Getting Sober: 35 Years Without a Drink, and Where to Start

Getting sober means stopping drinking and building a life that no longer depends on alcohol. Jerry Fraser, the Perth oyster shucker known as The Oyster King, has not had a drink in 35 years, and he has spent most of them working in bars and restaurants. It started on a Boxing Day in London with the suitcases packed. He told the story to host Paul Cohalan on episode 14 of The JRNY. The medical advice in this piece comes from Australian health services, not from Jerry, and the first piece of it is this: if you drink heavily, talk to a GP or call the National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline on 1800 250 015 before you stop, because stopping suddenly can be dangerous.

What getting sober means

Getting sober is not the same as sobering up after a big night, and it is not the same as cutting down. healthdirect says alcohol dependence, also known as alcoholism or alcohol use disorder, is a treatable condition. You can get help with it the way you would with any other health problem.

The drinking years

Jerry says he had 20 years of partying before he stopped, and he didn't see himself clearly at the time.

I thought I was a social drinker. I didn't know I was an alcoholic.

He believes it came from his father, a Scotsman who, he says, drank a bottle of scotch a day and hid it. Jerry says he never hid his own drinking. Fiona would find bottles everywhere, he says, and at the time he thought it was cool. He grew up in Peru, and he was drinking rum and cokes at 14.

Other people saw it before he did. Even his cousins, he says, were wary of letting him babysit their kids because he drank too much.

The Boxing Day that started 35 years without a drink

Jerry describes himself plainly: "I haven't touched alcohol or drugs or anything like that for 35 years now. I was a pretty wild alcoholic." When it ended he was in his thirties, living in London, and had been married to Fiona for about a year.

On Christmas Day he hosted a party at his flat and drank heavily. He doesn't remember much of the night. Apparently he was rude to friends and family, and at some point he ended up outside in the garden in shorts and a T-shirt, in a London December. He says he nearly died of hypothermia. He was brought back inside, and he slept the night. Low body temperature after heavy drinking is one of the signs of alcohol poisoning, and the Better Health Channel says to call 000 if you see it.

The next day was Boxing Day, and Fiona told him where things stood.

Fiona is my rock and it was Fiona who said, you know, this is it, mate. We were married one year and Fee said, 'I can't carry on life with this. I don't want you to be the father of my kids.'

They had no children yet. The suitcases were packed to go back to Australia. Jerry calls it his light bulb moment, and he is clear about whose moment it really was: "I was at a point when I didn't know where to go and Fiona made that decision for me."

Looking back, Jerry doesn't think he would have made it to 40.

Why the first day can be the hardest part

On Boxing Day in London, as Jerry remembers it, it was cold and nothing was open except the pubs. He went for a walk, ended up outside one, and didn't go in. One of the guests from his party the night before saw him there, and people kept calling out for him to come in for a drink, the quick one before Boxing Day lunch.

I just stood there for probably a half an hour not knowing what to do.

Then a friend asked him what he was doing out there and whether he was going in, and pointed out that he hadn't behaved too well the night before. Jerry told him he didn't remember. The friend lived round the corner. He took Jerry back to his place, cooked him a little Tunisian lunch, and the two of them looked through photo albums and talked for about five hours.

By the time he left, Jerry says, something had switched on. He didn't want to lose Fiona. He walked back to the apartment, where she was still waiting with the suitcases packed, and told her he would see his GP the next day.

Jerry's first day turned on half an hour outside a pub, with people he knew calling him in for a drink. If you are stopping, work out before that moment comes where you will go instead and who you will ring.

A mate got him through the afternoon. The doctor came next.

How to get sober safely: start with your GP

Jerry did see his GP. The GP offered group therapy, and Jerry asked for one on one counselling instead. His counsellor had been through recovery himself, and Jerry describes those sessions as the start of his journey. Saying what kind of help you want is part of mental fitness.

Jerry doesn't describe what his body went through in the days after he stopped, so his story can't tell you how to stop safely. The health services can:

• The Alcohol and Drug Foundation says alcohol withdrawal can be serious and can sometimes cause death. Symptoms can start within a few hours of the last drink and last two to seven days. They include sweating, tremors, nausea, anxiety, seizures, and delusions and hallucinations.
• healthdirect says suddenly stopping alcohol when you drink heavily is not easy and can be dangerous for your health, and that a doctor can make a plan to help you reduce your drinking safely.
• healthdirect's page on addiction withdrawal says to talk to your doctor or an alcohol and other drug treatment service about withdrawal before you start, and that this is especially important with alcohol.

A GP can do more than manage withdrawal. According to healthdirect's page on alcohol dependence, a doctor can also check your overall health, keep an eye on your progress and refer you to a psychologist or counsellor. If you don't feel comfortable or supported, healthdirect says not to be afraid to find another doctor.

If you are not ready to sit in front of a GP, the National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline on 1800 250 015 is free and confidential, and it puts you through to the alcohol and drug service in your state or territory. Counselling Online runs free, anonymous chat counselling for alcohol and other drugs, 24 hours a day.

There is no single route from there. healthdirect's page on overcoming addiction lists medicines, counselling approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy and motivational interviewing, and peer support through groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and SMART Recovery Australia.

How to stay sober

Staying sober is the longer job. The Alcohol and Drug Foundation lists five strategies that have helped people who are dependent on alcohol or other drugs reduce the risk of relapse:

• Steering clear of the people, places and situations that used to lead to drinking
• Calling on clinical and non clinical support when you need it
• Doing meaningful activities that you like and that build a sense of pride
• Self care and a balanced lifestyle, including enough sleep, time to recover and decent food
• Thinking differently: learning from mistakes and setting goals, including some that have nothing to do with drinking

healthdirect's page on overcoming addiction adds doing things you enjoy, setting goals and staying connected to other people in recovery through support groups.

If you work in hospitality

For 30 years in Perth, Jerry's workplace has been other people's nights out. At his busiest he was working 16 venues, sometimes two in a day. These days it is about ten, four to five hours at each.

In the old days at Bentley's in London, he says, it was about partying hard and working hard, and he was in his party days. Now he says he understands what hospitality is about. Ask him what goes with oysters and he will tell you, after pointing out that he doesn't drink.

When Paul suggested that warming up a room full of people now gives Jerry a better feeling than drink ever did, Jerry agreed. He calls himself more of an entertainer, and says he gets his energy from other people.

This is how the first two strategies might look if your workplace serves alcohol:

The other three apply on shift too, and late finishes make the sleep and recovery part harder.

Hospitality makes that first strategy hard, because the place you are told to avoid is where you earn a living. That is a good reason to bring your job into the conversation with your GP or counsellor early, rather than trying to tough it out on shift. Our guide on how to build resilience at work draws the same line between resilience and toughing it out.

What staying sober looks like 35 years on

Jerry was 71 when he recorded the episode. The year before, he had a heart attack at the wheel. No one else was hurt, and he would rather not dwell on it. He has slowed down a little, and he says he will never retire.

He enjoys watching people eat oysters. People stop him in restaurants to say he shucked at their wedding years ago. They tell him he has a great memory for faces, and he thinks that came after he gave up the partying.

Jerry has not had a drink in 35 years. For many people it takes more than one go, and that is normal. healthdirect says quitting often takes several tries, and that a relapse is a normal part of recovery. The Alcohol and Drug Foundation says it can take five or six attempts before a person maintains the change, and that a relapse is not a sign of weakness or failure. It also separates a lapse, a brief return to drinking followed by a clear return to your goals, from a relapse, which is a return to your previous level of drinking.

After the heart attack, he says, Fiona told him he had a second chance. The things that matter most to him now are his wife, his sons and his grandson, not the work.

Looking out for the young ones in hospitality

Jerry's concern now is the people coming up behind him. Hospitality, he says, can't take itself too seriously, but it has to keep an eye on its young staff. He works across a lot of venues, and many of the young people in them need someone to look up to and a bit of guidance.

He puts that into practice through Healthy Mind Menu, a hospitality mental health charity. Every year he works on a big charity event for it with about six chefs. Healthy Mind Menu was set up in Western Australia in 2018 by chefs, industry figures and mental health advocates to support hospitality staff. According to the charity, as reported by The West Australian in October 2025, more than a third of hospitality workers experience high psychological distress, three times the national average.

His own approach to mental health is low key. You can just sit down with someone and have a coffee, he says, and you don't even have to talk. He calls himself a big talker, and admits he has to switch off and let other people speak.

Where to get support in Australia

These are good places to start, whether the drinking is yours or someone else's. The National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline takes calls about both.

In an emergency, call 000.

Where to go from here

Jerry's full conversation with Paul also covers growing up in Peru, working at the Savoy and bringing fresh shucked oysters to Perth.

• Episode 14: 35 Years Sober and the Oyster King, with Jerry Fraser, on Boxing Day, Fiona and three decades of shucking in Perth.
• What Is Mental Fitness? Meaning, Habits and Real Examples, on asking for the kind of help you need.
• What Is Adversity? Meaning, Types and Real Examples, on who turns up when things go wrong.
• How to Build Resilience at Work: Seven Habits From Real Jobs, on the difference between resilience and toughing it out.
• Mental Toughness: What It Is and How to Build It, on why asking for help is part of being tough.