Gordon Patchett: Finding Purpose Through Transformation

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Back in 2014, I was very, very depressed. Um, I was doing truck driving uh in the oil fields. So, what ended up happening is I saved $55,000 and something cents. Yep.

From just working my off. And I think I was like 24 or 25. So, 55 grand in my account. No debt, no nothing.

Wow. So, and I told my friend, I was like, "Well, what do I do?" Like, he's like, "Well, you got to get a house." I like, "Get a house?" I was like, "Well, I don't want to live here." Like, "I don't want to live here at all." Like why would I get a house? Cuz then I'm I'm trapped. Like what's next?

A dog? Like I'm I'm not doing that. Right. So I I had all this money doing a job that you know I really really don't like.

That that set off like cuz I thought money was supposed to bring this happiness and I had 55 grand. When you're young, that's what you think. So anyways, that put me into this super duper low. Did it really?

Yeah. So, little intro. U met Gordy uh what two days ago in the cafe where I live and um he's from Canada and he was writing in a book and it's not something you see very often. So, I got chatting with him and then he said he's got a heap of stories that you wouldn't believe.

And I'm like, well, jump on the podcast and might help you write the book. And uh here he is. So, you got your van fixed and um Yeah, Wednesday morning we're on. Yeah.

Yeah. Um so, where do we start? What are you doing here in Australia? To be honest, I did I it wasn't on my map.

I never wanted to come here. You didn't? So, no. I uh I never really thought about it like um I remember watching Steve Irwin when I was a kid and uh seeing him, you know, grab every animal and piss it off and educate you about it or whatever.

I love that guy. He's so cool. And uh and then I watched Mr. In between, which is an incredible show in Disney Plus, uh made by Scott Ryan, Australian dude.

And uh then there was another show called The Big Les Show that some guy animated on YouTube. Yep. Anyway, last year I met an Australian guy doing professional wrestling in Thailand and he lives in uh Adelaide. And when I met him, like we just clicked immediately.

Yep. And I also met another Aussie dude uh in the army and just just briefly but we clicked. I never saw him again. It was like maybe a two-minute conversation or whatever but we like laughed or whatever.

Made fun of the army. And so anyways, all these things together I just it kind of put in my mind I was just like well geez Australians must have like a really good sense of humor. Like maybe I should go there someday, right? Cuz I pretty much just been working and I feel like I have no purpose in my life at all.

So uh so you'll get used to me. I'll buy in a bit here and there. flip. So, you're a bit stuck at home.

You were stuck. Oh, yeah. I'm always I've been stuck forever. So, you're like it all these signs about Australia.

I'm going to go check it out. Yeah. That that was that was pretty much what happened. So, uh one day like uh I I lived in the woods for a couple years just uh I I avoided off the grid.

Yeah. Yeah. I avoided people forever. Like I just didn't want to see anyone.

How was that? Talk to us about that. It was good. Uh yeah, it was super good.

Um, I uh I did a lot of psychedelics and talked to a lot of trees and uh I guess worked a lot of things out in my mind and I think after a year I thought to myself maybe I should start put myself in the society again and y doing the psychedelics was it personally for yourself or was it were you doing it with someone or was it to do work? All by myself. Yeah. To do work.

A bit of both. To do work like inner work. Like is that why you're taking? Oh.

Oh, big time. The only reason why I did it was inner work. Yeah. Okay, cool.

That was that was the only reason I could The reason I asked is because I've done I've done the cactus which is psychedelic as well. Yeah. And um it's crazy stuff what it can bring up and do and it's all your own mind, right? Yeah.

No one else's influence. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah.

Yeah. like uh it's a magical experience, but uh I don't know where to I guess I could veer off of that, but like uh well, what was probably the biggest takeaway of that? What was the biggest shift? Just give us one thing.

Oh, the biggest shift you and I wouldn't be talking to each other right now. I'll tell you that. I'm not I'm a completely different person. Um because my my first job was being in the military.

Like I joined at 18 years old. And so at 18, you don't realize how brainwashed you're getting with it, but man, you get super. Yeah. I was in the Navy, so I was in defense.

Well, yeah. So, you get it. All right. So, I seen a psych yesterday and part of the chat was about being so regimented and and your response, but anyway, keep going.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay, great.

So, I don't have to explain anything. So, uh yeah. So, I I did that and then I worked in prison as a correctional officer as well because I felt like law enforcement was something I wanted to gravitate towards. And then uh How was that?

Being a correctional It was It was cool. I liked it. Oh, yeah. It's everything you see in the movie about prison stuff.

All the jokes and what happens and the way they talk. It's the most Hollywood. If they can get anything accurate, it was prison. Oh, man.

It's just the dropping the soap thing is real. uh the the people who run the cells, the dirty guards, like all of it. It's it's all real. Where was it?

Where was this? At home. Yeah. Yeah.

So, the I'm from uh Nova Scotia, Canada. And uh How old are you? Uh 36 now. 36.

Yeah. Cool. Yeah. And uh Yeah.

So, I did the prison job in 20 2018 to about 2020. Yep. And 2020 is the reason why I I end up leaving it anyway. But but uh but what helped with that as well, I guess, was um was the psychedelics because So did you do that after prison or before?

After working in prison. Yeah. Cuz uh I I was in a relationship at the time and and I guess uh who cares? I'll just say whatever.

But I've always had like I'm not sure this the correct word, but a suicidal ideiation. Yeah. Is that is that the correct thing where I just always think about off of myself? I I don't know what it is, right?

But but actually the past six years I've actually learned why which is great but uh but anyways I always have this feeling of of doing that and it was getting really really bad uh especially after working in prison. And so uh my girlfriend at the time she was like well nothing's really helping you and she read online that magic mushrooms are supposed to help you. Yep. And uh and I was desperate for something.

Help. Just something, man. So I never did drugs my entire life. Wow.

And uh barely even drinking or anything. And uh so then I found some website online in Canada that said, you know, we'll sell you a package of mushrooms. They like mail it. And it all the strands were listed and explained what it's going to do to you.

So I read this one that was called the golden teacher magic mushroom that's been around for like thousands and thousands of years that apparently all the tribes and Aboriginals whatever have taken even the Vikings apparently. Apparently the Vikings like if someone was born crippled they would just give them these golden teachers and then they would tell the Vikings, okay, we need to go do this now and use them as like a an oracle type of thing. Yeah. So So anyways, I I bought these.

So you learn a lot as well before you even did it. Oh yeah. I had to read. I didn't know what to get myself into.

And then uh so they it came in the mail in this beautiful little package and I opened it. I had little directions to tell you. So you had no guidance, nothing. You just done it off your own.

Yeah. I didn't know. All I knew is is I was sick. Wow.

And uh so anyways, I had this bag. It was five grams. And I didn't know what you were supposed to do or how much to take. So I just ate them all.

And I waited for uh I waited for my girlfriend to go to work because I heard it's like six hours or something that you you're not even on this planet anymore. So I I ate this five grams and and I remember it was like kind of a rainy day and I started cleaning my apartment up. I was like, "Well, maybe I should start straightening up my apartment." And about 30 minutes went by and and I was like I was like, "Well, these aren't doing anything. Like this is this is stupid." And then about 40 minutes I was like I I need to go lay down.

And uh so I went and lay down in my bedroom and then yeah the the wall started breathing and I remember I had my notebook out to write something and all I put down was like holy is that it and then and that was it. That's all I put holy exclamation point and that's all I could put down and then I was off in this beautiful world and then everything that's been in the back of my mind was just pulled right in front of me and and I was dealing with it right right then and there. How long to go for? How long was I gone for?

Like I think it was spent like 10 hours, 12 hours or something. It was it was a long time. Like the sun was up and the sun was down. Like it was when I done the cactus that goes for it's a full 24 hours, but it goes the actual cactus goes for about the trip goes for about 16 hours.

Oh, that's crazy. Okay. Like Well, you went for 10 12. So that's a lot.

That's a lot. Oh, yeah. It was my first time. And I've it was awesome.

probably one of the best things that ever because I've I've gone to therapy and I've taken medication. I've done all this stuff and like I just still just it's all our mind, right? Our feeling in our mind. Yeah.

But then once once I did that it was like what come next? So you done that and then Yeah. One of my thoughts I had was uh like being army and whatever and uh and correctional officer one of the thoughts was you know this is man-made right? like this is not this is not a spiritual thing.

This is just a man-made thing and you don't have to impress anyone anymore. You don't have to, you know, cuz I guess my biggest thing was trying to be like, "Oh, I do this. Oh, I do that." And try to, you know, I guess get validation, right? And uh that just went right out the window, man.

Like gone. And uh so after that, I was like this new person that like I don't know who I am. I I still don't. I'm still trying to figure it out.

So, how many more times did you do that? Oh, a lot. Um, it was funny because one of the trips I had was the bad trip and the lesson was was do not abuse these. Do not abuse them.

Only use them when you're sick. And I was like, okay. But it was that was a horrible, horrible trip. There were skulls all over the place.

The sky was just on that, right? I learned something about that. So, the guy that I go do the cactus with, I've done it twice. He's a shaman or whatever you call them, right?

He done it 15 years ago, four weeks in a row. he really needed it because of um you know mental health addiction and whatever, right? And then we're talking about the whole bad trip. He goes, "I don't believe there's such a thing as a bad trip." He said, "Because it's your own mind.

It's just where your mind's going at that point when you do it." Cuz every time you go, it's all different, right? My first time was probably the biggest impact like like what you were talking about before. Yeah. But he goes, "I don't believe there's a bad trip." So he he manages it right overnight and groups of people and it's like he's like, "It's your mind.

That's all it is. Like all of it is like even what you said, it's coming from your mind, right? It's not it's not the, you know, the mushroom or whatever. It's um it's whatever's in here.

And it really like I never thought about it like that, right? And then um I learned a lot from that and a lot about being in your own space was probably the other piece I learned about that. Um being okay with being by yourself and that from the first time and that that shifted. It's like self-respect and self- loveve and all that stuff.

Y and uh he he taught me what it really meant that piece. Yeah. They're the two bits I got out of it, but let big knots out like crazy stuff happened the first time ever. And I done it alone actually.

I didn't go to a group and I pushed four big knots out of my body. Went back to childhood went like went crazy. It was amazing and I loved it. Yeah.

I got through a lot. Well, one thing that was holding me back was uh this is kind of a long story, but I can make it short. I'll make it short. Yep.

So, uh, when I was 12 years old, I was making, uh, like bacon and eggs for my mom on Mother's Day. Mhm. And the phone rings and it's my grandmother and she says, "Uh, Cassie is dead. It's my sister, right?" So, I'm like, "Okay." And I thought like, "My my family's crazy." So, I didn't believe my grandma at first.

My grandma's still going. She's like on cocaine and stuff and she's like 78, still going. She's crazy. Anyways, I gave mom the phone and then uh yeah, sure enough, like yeah, my sister was was gone or whatever, right?

How old was she? 21. Oh, so you were 12 and I was 12 and she was 21. Wow.

And so that was like a catalyst for me thinking like, "Holy crap, life is short. I got to at 12. I got to get some stuff." Oh, yeah. So, uh and then I developed an anger problem because she was murdered.

So, And I was just like, "What?" Right. So, apparently, you know, the boyfriend and whatever, the sisters didn't like her and something. They slipped something in her drink and wow. And all this stuff and it was like a huge amount of morphine and she went to bed and and then passed away or didn't wake up.

Now, thanks for sharing that. Like I said, well, cuz there's a point to this cuz about the mushrooms and things, right? And so what ended up happening was uh we'll keep that on the back burner cuz you know this is this is years of me being angry and thinking about going after this boyfriend when I get older and smarter. Yep.

You know what I mean? Cuz that Yep. I had a lot of anger about this guy. Yeah.

Sorry. Just I was just thinking about it. But anyway, so um take your time. All good.

So when I did the shrooms um for that that first time, my sister came to my mind and I was like, "Holy crap." I was like, "Where have you been or whatever, right?" And then the message was I got was like, "I'm all right, man. It's all good." Like carry on, just let go and you got to work on yourself. And that was like a huge cuz I didn't realize how much she was in there. You've been sitting on that sitting on for years, man.

Years and years. So you're talking 2021. You done that mushroom? Yeah.

Yeah. Like so you would I can't remember the date. I So you would have been like 32 or something, right? Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Yeah. So So from 12 years old Mhm. I just want to I just want to get this point out.

So from 12 years old, you sat on that to to about 32. Mhm. Was there a piece of it's okay forgiveness or let it go or something? Like is that kind of the feeling like don't be angry, don't try and go after this guy, don't What was the message from you?

What helped you to let it go? It it was uh it was almost like I was hearing her being like I'm in a good place like Yeah. Right. And that's the way she was.

She was super funny. Uh she used to she had tattoos of Smurfs on her boobs and she go, "Oh, you know the Smurfs or whatever?" And be like, "Oh yeah." Then she would just flash everyone or whatever. She would just she was nuts. But that that she sounds like a she sounded like a cool chick.

She didn't care what anyone thought. Oh, no. She didn't care about man. Ju just quickly back to the mushroom bit, right?

Yeah. And the So, she gave you permission to let it go. Yeah. Yeah.

That's And if you didn't do them mushrooms, right? I don't know where I'd be. Yeah. And you and you were really honest earlier, right?

Which which is amazing. So, thanks for sharing that. But if you didn't do that, you wouldn't have seen deeper, however, and she wouldn't have gave you permission to let it go. And you've been bottling on that for 20 years.

Yeah, man. Yeah. That's extremely Wow. This gets worse, though.

Yep. Okay. So, I just need to breathe next. So, when it was finally let go.

Yep. Right. So, 2020, everyone was locked down. So, everyone was bored.

So I got thinking like I I did that and I was like well I was like murdered. I was like well maybe maybe I need to look into this and see what's going like cuz you know I was working in prison and I was like well all these guys are caught you know and I was like so how oh so he hadn't been caught. So how come this guy's not caught? Yeah.

No it was just Yeah. He wasn't arrested or anything right? They they just ruled it as a drug overdose accident or whatever. So So I got thinking.

I was like well I need to look into this. So, I called the uh Toronto Police Department because that's where she was living at the time. And I said, "Look, I I want to look into my sister's death. How do I do this?" Like, I I see it on TV all the time, right?

So, and you kind of understand that and I and I have an idea about it now from the corrections, right? So, anyways, he told me to do the National Coroners Report. And so, he sent me the form. I forget the guy's name, like his proper name.

His name is Jason, this uh uh constable. and he sent me this uh form, national corners form, and you just fill out this form, and pretty much you can just look at everyone's death really, and you just got to put down why you want to look into it. So, I just put down, you know, brother of the deceased, uh, curious what happened, you know, things like that, want the case reopened and and whatever. So, then I had this whole report come in and Jason's report as well because it was a cold case pretty much.

It was over 20 years, I guess, right? Y anyways, I got the report and I was reading through it and then come to find out that uh and it all made sense to me after a while, but she was uh alone and she just had a baby, Liam. So Liam, we we we end up adopting adopting him. That's another story.

So she she just had a baby. She was alone in her apartment and uh she had a big thing of morphine and there was uh a pile of like damage to like her right nostril which indicated that she just snorted it. Oh. And so the investigation said like she was just alone, possibly depressed, did this snorting.

And I remember this letter that she wrote and she mailed it to us saying like I can't remember all the words but she was just saying goodbye to all of us. I love you all and everything like that and I just got thinking. I was like postpartum depression. Yeah.

I was like postpartum depression plus the way we were raised as kids was not the best and Cassie's mental health was really really bad. So when she snorted that she went to bed and then just never woke up. So it wasn't anyone else. It was nobody else.

But my mother when I confronted her about it, right? I was like, cuz what I end up doing is I brought the papers to my mother's house and I put it on the table and then she looked at him. She goes, "What do you got this for?" And I was like, "Well, what what happened?" I was like, "Because I want to kill a guy and throw my life away." And spent 20 years. Yeah.

So then mom finally was just like, I just didn't want to be my fault. I just guilt tripped and I I just can't believe I lost her or whatever and she made this. So for 20 years I thought a guy murdered my sister. And then when I finally did this investigation and faced my mother with it and showed her all this stuff, she's like, "Well, yeah, this is what happened." And she wrote the goodbye letter.

And then I was like, "Do you have any like do you put yourself in your mom's shoes or have any resentment or do you understand that back then she she only done what only know what you know, right? I I don't know, man. I just that's a big lie." And you don't have to answer that either. Oh wow.

I don't care. Uh years, man. That's um But you know what? Everything happens for a reason, I believe.

I'm not saying that should happen, but the journey, right? I'll just get back to this. Yeah, that's right. We all have a book.

We all have chapters. It's about um risk, roadblocks, and resilience are the three things, right? So going through life, we hit roadblocks, we take risks, and when you get to like when you get older, 30s, 40s, what do you build up? Resilience.

And you've got you'd have resilience, right? Like there wouldn't be much that would bother you these days. I believe nothing, right? And we have we've only touched on one bit, right?

But I I love it because this topic here is like really significant these days. And even to me, like I want to learn more about it, like the mushrooms and the working stuff out, right? Like self work. And it's amazing that you dug your heels in, you challenge your thoughts, which were pretty bad thoughts, right?

You're like, "This, I'm going to do something." Yeah. And you and you done it and you you must have been so focused on doing something and shifting. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Big time. I was tired of feeling the way I felt. And when when I learned that about her and everything like that and like then I started to understand what was going on in my own mind like uh you know I haven't I could probably easily go to a doctor and get diagnosed like ah yeah he's got bipol or something. I don't know.

I don't know. You use this title. Yeah. You know what I mean?

But I don't I don't know man. I don't want to do that. It's like the ADHD thing, right? Everyone's like you must have it.

I'm like I'll never know cuz I'm not going to me. Yeah. I don't I don't I don't want to do that, right? I just I just want to figure it out.

And then once I figured that out, I was like, "Okay, no, there's a mental sickness in our family." And if I look at my lineage of my family, like it just just makes sense. Patents and Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, so I understand why my sister did it.

Like I I I get it. Can I give you a fact that shocked me when I went through this thing the last two years? Yeah. Our mind, 95% of it, and I've said this in a couple of podcasts, is subconscious.

5%'s conscious. So, yeah. And 95% of it's subconscious, right? And do you know that's created when you're growing up by other people?

We don't even have a choice. So, that's where the patterns and and the generational thing cuz I do heaps around this, right? Because I grew up in a bit of a broken violence, drugs, similar, right? Nice.

Nice. And and I think it I used it all my life to get where I am and going, "Fuck it. I'm going to do my own thing." So, I moved away from home and that moved at home when I was 15 and then I moved and I've just done what I want to do. Yeah, man.

The problem now is I got there and I want to get rid of that identity and that and that piece, right? So that's what I'm working on at the moment. It's really hard because it comes back to your response, your communication like all your all your patterns and your triggers. It's all your own.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I just wanted to say that it's um it blows my mind that only 5% of our brain is conscious and 95 subconscious and it's created by you growing up.

Yeah. Then that makes so much sense because I always wonder like why do I feel this way, right? But if I look back like that makes that makes total sense. Yeah.

And there'll be certain things that will trigger you and it's because of when you're growing up, right? And you don't even know it. You your mind just does it. It's it's funny how you say as soon as you said there's things that trigger you.

So my my biggest thing is someone slap in the back of my head. Oh buddy, there'll be a reason. Oh, there's a really good reason. But uh and I think that's why I became so I was in amateur wrestling for about I don't know like 12 years.

Tell us about that. I want to Oh, so so you know amateur wrestling there's a lot of How old did you were you when you started? 12 anger problem but it helped you get through probably at that point. Oh man, amateur wrestling was incredible.

Cooking breakfast at that point, right? When you cooking breakfast and you found out about your sister. Sorry to bring it up again. And then you started or your wrestling that would have helped you get through your mindset so much.

Oh yeah. Well, and so and I grew up watching professional wrestling. The Rock Steve amateur. How good were you?

I I got a national title. Yeah. Because you taking all that out. Yeah.

It was It was bad. And uh you know, but every time someone would do a head snap on me or whatever and they hit the back of my head, this fury. Boom. Right.

And I had this look untamed fury that no one knew about about, you know, what was going on in my my life or whatever. Right. So once that head snap came and I, you know, I was getting my ass kicked or something, but if someone slapped my head, it was like this other part of me. But yeah, I was undefeated for quite a few years and then yeah, I won a bunch of provincials and nationals and So how long did you do that for?

Uh, so I think I competed for seven years and then I coached for seven years. That's what I did. But like coach, yeah, so like coaching coaching was off and on because life came. So, I only fitted in wherever I was at the time with the military.

So, it's not acting wrestling. It wasn't that. No, the the acting wrestling was last year in Thailand, which is was my my dream. Oh, cool.

To to be a professional. I was when I first joined amateur wrestling, I thought it was professional wrestling. I got there and I saw all these guys wearing these tights. I was like, what is this?

I was like, this is I want to do this or whatever, right? But then I thought about Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar. They were amateur wrestlers when they started. So, I was like, well, they're my favorite wrestler.

You look like Arishia. Long hair. The long hair. Yeah.

And I think Yeah. I think the shrooms, you know, like I don't know. I'm not a super spiritual guy here, but man, it's just funny how things are working out. Yeah.

Like uh Yeah. So I I grew my hair. I never thought I would do that in a million years. I used to think long-haired people would So you didn't have long hair all the time?

Oh, hell no, man. I hated it. Hated it. Thought I was the most dumb.

I was like, why is that guy's hair long? Like now we get it. Yeah. Like Yeah.

Now we get it. But but yeah, so then I it was funny how it worked out because I bought a Macho Man Randy Savage Halloween costume. Yep. And I was wearing it for Halloween last year.

So I said to my buddy, I was helping him doing a brick brick layer work or whatever, right? I said to him, I was like, uh I was like, man, I was like, I need to I need to do something. I was like, I need to go pro wrestling. You don't mind if I leave for the winter and I'm going to go and find some pro wrestling school.

And so that last year. Yeah. Yeah. So, I I I messaged the guy who was just opening up a school in uh in Thailand with with pro wrestling because I wanted to travel and I wanted to do wrestling.

So, so I showed up to a school and the only thing I had was this Halloween costume and a pair of Converse sneakers. Why? And that was my my charact Well, I shouldn't say that was my character, but I don't know if I should tell you what my character was, but uh come on. Oh, buddy.

Back in prison, there was this guy uh I don't know, I'll nickname him Jeff. And uh I'm I'm sitting at my desk in the prison doing paperwork. Jeff comes up to me and Jeff's like 6'6, 230 lbs, roided out of his mind, tattoos. And he goes he goes, "Yo, CO." I'm like, "Yep." He's like, "I'm a woman now." I was like, "Oh, you're a woman." He's like, "Yeah." And I'm like, "Okay." I was like, "You got a new name?" He goes, "No, still Jeff, but I'm I'm a woman." And this guy's a rapist, by the way.

But with our new laws and following the government, everything like that, Jeff could sue me if I did not take him seriously. So, I had to call my captain. No way. Call my captain and say, "Jeff identifies as a woman.

We need to get him out of here right now." And we have 72 hours to get him into a uh psychologist right away to y make sure Jeff is really a woman. So, anyways, we had to transfer him to women's prison. This big giant, oh yeah, man. It's had you had a cut and tug or not?

Or he just identified as a woman? He just identified as a woman. Rapist man beating and raping women who was put into a cell. That is outrageous, right?

Isn't that weird? So, but anyways, but with the new government and things and trans and whatever, right? We had to do that. We had to transfer.

So, I don't care what people do, right? I don't care either, but that guy is sense. So anyways, this this goes with my pro wrestling bit. So that's the backstory of that.

And uh and then South Park, which is an incredible, incredible show. Yeah. Um they had an episode where Macho Man Randy Savage was on it and his name was Heather Swanson. So Macho Man Randy Savage like I identify as a woman and uh and he goes around in all these women's competitions and he beats up all these women in this episode at South Park.

So, I thought to myself, I was like, man, if I ever get into pro wrestling, that's going to be my character. So, anyways, I get to the pro wrestling school. Now, because of my amateur wrestling background, I was able to pick up on pro wrestling really, really fast. And and I watched all my life.

So, this pro wrestling is like a dance. Very painful, by the way. No, I It actually hurts. It hurts a lot.

I I now understand why they're all on drugs. But, but anyway, so I got trained and I said to my boss, just two sec. Sorry. I just want to understand this.

So, what do you do? You go into a ring like like um like a boxing ring or Yeah, he had professional. And then how many rounds and how long does it go for? I don't know much about it.

So it was from uh he had it from 7 at night to 10 at night. No, no. So when you go in and wrestle someone, how long do you do it for when you walk in? Like pro wrestling?

Yeah. Like you go to or like when you compete or There's there's a time limit. Yeah. So cuz you're running a show, right?

And uh so the boss will give you, okay, you guys need to wrestle for 10 minutes, 20 minutes. So just come up with a match that runs in that time frame and then that's your that's it. Um yeah, so he just gives you the time, you wrestle towards that, get out, and then the show goes on. That's that's pretty much how we did it.

And uh yeah, so I I told my boss about this character. I was like I was like, "Look, man. I I got this." I said, 'I think I should have this character. I want to name him uh Macho Tran Gordy Savage, and I'm just going to say I'm the most sexiest woman in Thailand, and I'm going to go around and beat up women or whatever.

And he actually had a couple women wrestlers. So, and he was like, "This is fantastic." He's like, "We need to we need to do this right now." He's like, "Do you want to start wrestling tonight?" I was like, "Tonight?" And it was like I only had like four practices and that was that was it to learn pro wrestling. But but we didn't do any character work. He just trusted me to be an idiot, which is what I did very well.

Professional. A professional idiot. Yeah. Uh and yeah, so I I did my entrance and whatever.

And then we did we did my first match and everybody hated me, which is what we wanted cuz I, you know, clearly a man, but I was just like, "Oh yeah, I'm the sexiest woman." And then he started bringing in women wrestlers. So then, and I I lost every single match, by the way. I got my ass kicked, but everyone wanted to see it. And uh but then I got really big.

I became like this little celebrity in Thailand. I had people taking pictures of me. I remember this tiger guy was like, "Oh, you're that woman." Like, "Oh, yeah, I am." And so I was getting pictures and I had this documentary crew from Germany come and do a documentary for for their wrestling whatever. They follow all these little Can you see it anywhere or not?

He he says it's going to take two years. Oh wow. So two years I'll be able to Still going. Still going.

So 2026 it should come out. And then uh then we had people from China. I got put into a couple Chinese movies. I have no idea what the name names are or whatever.

But it this Macho Tran Gordy Savage became a thing. Then we uh I got hired on to do a first ever tables, ladders, and chairs match in the Kingdom of Thailand. They never saw that before. And uh so we went and put on this first ever tables, ladders, chairs match.

There's about 5,000 people there. And Wow. Yeah. And was that fun?

Oh, it was incredible. Yeah. And I said to my boss, I said, "Look, man, this is my last match. Like, I need to I want to do some big things." So, I climbed up this uh 20 foot ladder on top of the ring.

And I jumped out off and to uh three other guys or whatever, throwing through tables. And yeah, it was super cool. I imagined when I was a kid becoming a professional wrestler, I was going to be, you know, some big cool guy, but I ended up being this woman thing. And uh but man, it was so worth it.

It was super duper fun. But you still hit that goal though, which is awesome. Yeah, it was it was nice. Um he wanted me to stay behind and like, you know, there's visas and things like that and and and people can I guess overstay visas and do whatever, but I just didn't have it in me.

I would love to keep that going, but I just And I feel like I should probably do something normal. Maybe whatever. What's normal, though? I don't normal.

Well, yeah. Do you? Oh, yeah. I would like to do that.

Like, this is So, mind you, mind you, I'm just going to say here, he text me. I text him last night and um I'm like, looking forward to tomorrow. All good. And then he goes, "Do I wear a long sleeve shirt or do I wear my uh Beavers and Butad shirt?" I'm like, "Be butad, be you." I I love this.

Hopefully, that's not a bad message to cares. He He's been watching all the other reels and and podcasts and he texted Nat yesterday. Uh was it Nat or me? you texted yet?

I texted both you cuz I made a mistake. I didn't realize I had two numbers and and you're like, um, I don't know if I could do this because I'm not I'm going to be boring or I'm going to be something. I'm not like the others. You're starting to judge and go, I don't know if I could do it.

Oh, yeah. Because it looks like you're interviewing all these like smart business people and I'm like, man, I'm not. They're all human. We're all human.

That's true. And your story ising unbelievable because this is the people don't talk about. We can talk business and all that, but this is the stuff that with us in our 30s and 40s. Oh, it's bad, man.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, and we don't have a choice over it. But when we sit here and understand it all and peel the layers back, right, and look at all the roadblocks, all the risks you take and the resilience you got today, it's amazing.

And it all happens for a reason. And then you'll no doubt reflect on other people. You're talking to me now. Like, I think it's amazing.

Like, you were talking about having thoughts for six years and then you just went and gone, "I'll do this." Yeah. Unbelievable. A a lot of things in my life has just been it. And it just I think it just all stems from uh from my past, man.

I just I don't know when I'm going to go. I have no idea when I'm going to go. I don't know if I'm going to get hit by a car when I leave here. I don't know if my own mind is going to make me do something like I'm scared.

So, I just try to still or you Yeah. You know, this is a strange thing and maybe someone else out there can understand this. I don't know. But uh even when I'm happy, like if I get really happy and I'm laughing at something or whatever, the thought will come and be like, "Okay, you need to do it now." And the reason why I get that way is cuz I want to die happy like that.

I'm constantly, you know what I mean? Like you still have them, do you? Oh, all the time. like yeah the magic mushrooms has definitely alleviated it and I could still recognize what I need or whatever but sometimes they get in a really really low area but I'm able to dig myself.

Yeah. But the understanding has allowed me to like you know even here in Australia I've probably two or three times I was getting bad. I was like no no no man you just you just need some more sleep or so maybe you just need to go to the gym and the gym is man this Revo Fitness. God I love that gym.

How good. Oh they're incredible. And they're all over the place. I can be sad anywhere and Revo is going to be right there.

Yeah, the gym. The gym is good. I'll go for a run. I always find and I'm a bit up and down as well for little reasons, kids or personal things or pressure, stress.

Yesterday just blew my lid yesterday. Um, max me and I thought I was in control of it all. Monday I just hit all the hard things that I had to for the week. Yeah.

And um when I seen you and then yesterday it just maxed me out. I thought things were the gift that keep on giving and it max me and it's the feeling right and then what do we do with it you know it's and I really understand why people I think I I was talking to a mate last night about this understand why people do have them thoughts or do go ahead with it and usually kids finances like I see that bit because I live by myself now split two years ago with a wife so I understand I've never gone down that uh thought pattern but I understand why you feel siloed when you're a separate single guy and you've left your kids and all that. Yeah. And it's the feeling.

And and that's the other thing that makes me confused too is like how does someone not feel that way sometimes, you know what I mean? It's crazy like cuz I've met guys that you that like it's just it's like I can understand myself when do that but I could never do that. It just it must be some sort of genetic thing. Like I don't know what it is.

I have I have no idea. Maybe to do with your sister. Huh? Maybe to do with your sister.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

like deep down being with her because you're 12, you get to spend your life with her could could be Yeah. Well, yeah, that too. Yeah. Yeah.

And I that's that's the other thing like I always think like, man, she had some big balls to just do that, right? And I'm just like Yeah, I agree actually. Like, yeah, cuz that's final. There's heaps of different thoughts about doing that.

And um but you'd have to have some big balls definitely. Oh, yeah. Don't be in a bad spot. Have a lot of pain that you can't get rid of.

That's usually I think what it is. Well, yeah. Yeah. And and it really really sucks cuz she if she was around and I knew what I knew now I'd be like, "Oh man, let's do this together." I grab her like, "Let's just take these and go out in the woods and we're going to be we're going to be okay." That's you changing this generation, talking about it, being open.

Your parents probably weren't like that. My parents like Yeah. And that's that's the other thing, right? Like I never spoke about it like even at therapy or something.

I was very Yeah. Didn't know how that it's weakness and all this stuff, man. which is all right. All that whole you're a man, it's weakness, can't cry, can't talk, can't you move on or old school, different generation though, survival generation.

Now we don't need to. We can talk. We got resources. We've got tools.

We've got all that stuff, right? And we we're constantly learning. And you you're a absolute poster of that. Oh man, it's it's Yeah.

I I don't know if it ever goes away or anything like that. Like I every time I was like getting a little sick or something, I would I rely on bit. micro dose or something. But but since being here in Australia, like I can't it's not Canada, right?

So I haven't touched it or whatever. So now I really really got to just hone in on what natural things to do like the gym or just or just recognizing it or whatever. Right. So So when I met you the other day, tell us about the book.

Are you right at the beginning? Are you two pages in? Are you 20? Oh, just Yeah, that was like I wrote one page for like one paragraph.

I said this is stupid. And then that was that was the end of that. And uh it got you here. It did get me here, which is which is crazy.

I think, man, it's just wild. But yeah, I went to that cafe and I was like, I think I should write in this book and get it going. And then uh then I stopped cuz you were there. Like writing in a book is very rare now.

And that's that's how we met. I um started chatting to Gordy cuz he's writing in a book. Hand handwriting. There's a couple of letters I want to write and I'm going to I think there's more meaning to that now cuz it doesn't happen.

So when you do that, if you're doing it for someone Yeah. Yeah, I think there's so much meaning now writing down stuff and like Yeah, absolutely. And like in in the back of my mind, I want to leave some sort of legacy behind of of something, right? And I always enjoy helping people, making them laugh and things like that.

So, I thought I would just wrote my thoughts down. And what I wanted to do was just uh you know, I wanted to pretty much create a YouTube channel of just all the things I've done and then just read out of the out of the diary. this is how I was feeling during this time and then show all the clips of whatever I was doing pro wrestling or Mhm. whatever.

That's pretty cool. Um things like that, you know, and just and then at least at least I know I left something behind maybe for my my little brother. Well, my nephew technically, but my little brother can read it. So, yeah.

So, you still talk a lot. So, this is the interesting thing which I guess we got to go right back to the start of the conversation. Why am I here? And I left off at the Big L show.

So, do you ever watch that show? No. Okay. You don't have to.

But anyways, it's funny. It's a cartoon. I don't know. I never thought I'd ever watch it, but I did.

And uh anyways, in this cartoon, they have these monsters called chumas that are coming and attacking people and whatever rate. But anyways, I was doing shrooms, of course. I was in a yurt at the time in the in the woods, Mongolian yurt. If you don't know what that is, I can Google it.

It's like a cool little tarp. So anyways, I was in this year tripping involves going through a bad trip and out of nowhere in my mind I went the tumors are coming and I started laughing and laughing and I laughed so hard and I was like I should just go to Australia. So I took out my laptop and hot spotted off my phone high as Yeah. And I I did the working holiday visa application and I just booked the flight just random just all right there while hiding shrooms wherever I was like yeah and then I and I just kept laughing.

I was like the Australians are so funny and and then yeah like uh 3 days later I get an email saying like yeah you're accepted for the working holiday visa and then I booked the ticket and I was like well guess I'm going. Wow. And then so then the other thing that I did because I'm trying to figure out who the I am. Yep.

I just laughed and nobody knows and I delet I deleted all my social media and everything. This is this is my first real social media presence since like four or five months but I vanished. So how long ago did you come to Australia? Four or five months.

Uh October. Yeah. October 26 is when I landed. Where where'd you land?

Perth. Brisbane. Brzy. And I hated it.

So how long did you stay there? One week. I I won't get into why I hated it. It was actually for all the wrong reasons.

I just whatever. But uh but my buddy in Adelaide, um I did keep in contact with him and he said that uh Perth, go to Perth, you'll have a better uh better people there and things like that. So better experience. I'm not too much of a city dude and Brisbane was it was cool.

Don't go to Sydney or Melbourne then. Okay, it's I heard about that. Uh but yeah, I came here and I really really liked it. But uh yeah, I just I just left.

I I left like my mother doesn't know, my father don't know. I was going to ask about your father. My my friends don't know. Nobody knows.

So I'm just thought around that. Like do you have like a plan or not? Or you just taking every day as it goes and whenever you feel like it, you'll let them know or Yeah, that's that's that's pretty much it. I'm taking it as it goes cuz I just need to figure out who I am.

So usually when that happens, other people will be like, "How come? How come?" But really, you're doing it for yourself. Yeah. I'm just tired and like I get easily swayed by other people's opinions and I feel bad.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And then when I feel bad, I feel really bad and I don't want to deal with it anymore. So now this is this is literally my way of dealing with it.

This is literally killing myself without killing myself if that makes sense. You know what I mean? You don't like that you did it but you didn't want to go through the whole ah get you on you. I couldn't do it right.

So, and I'm just trying to we need to send probably this might be the clip that you tell your parents. What? Like this this podcast. Yeah.

This that part of that podcast that might end up being the bit you're explaining it to them. Well, yeah. It's on video, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Yeah.

Maybe up to you, but I'm just saying. Oh, yeah. Well, whatever. Um, we'll we'll talk about it, I guess.

But, um, you know, and in Australia, you it's it's really big on references and things like that or whatever, right? And and it sucks cuz I I just want to let go. I want to let go of all that. Like I just want to prove myself without references and things like that that yeah, I'm a good worker, solid, honest.

What's been your main um occupation through life? Oh man, you've just done different things. I've done stunt driving, correctional officer, soldier, truck driver, youth at risk, worked at a corner store, golf course, ran a campground, uh done much. Brick layer.

Yeah, brick layer laborer. Y uh just everything. The the thing I always wanted to be though was be a school teacher. Always wanted to do that.

And uh coaching wrestling was kind of what inspired me to do that. But then I kept thinking that being a school teacher was going to later on in life because one I don't know like it's it's government dictated what you teach the kid and two AI is around the corner and I feel like a kid's just going to go to school and listen to some Terminator 2 robot. It's all changing isn't it? Yeah.

So, as much as I would love like I love teaching and instructing and helping people and and normally in the jobs I've had, I've got promoted to a role of mentor like the leader piece or the coach piece. Yeah. And I love it cuz I can see you know what I've thought the whole time since we've been talking and you got you gone through your journey, right, and where you're at and now you say that you love teaching is what about the stuff that you've had to deal with and teaching other people how to deal with it? Like like you you're pretty open about it, right?

And you're still dealing with it. I think everyone still deals with stuff. There's no light switch for any of this stuff, right? Yeah.

But just understanding the childhood and the pieces together and then getting to the bit, managing it, right? And understanding it and then you're still doing that now. Imagine getting someone else to be on a similar page instead of going down the rabbit hole or, you know, it's funny cuz I'll I'll read stories, you know, either online or sometimes I'll grab a newspaper if they're ever around and I'll read and I'll see someone that committed suicide or something like that. It just nothing really bothers me like like nothing like even people call me names or whatever but for some reason when I read about someone taking their own life I'm like ah man I wish I could have wish I could have talked to them or something right but uh you know I don't know so your your channel and everything you're going to do right and write your book that will educate and hit home that's why reality in people's lives and personal um brand and all that stuff matters because if it's authentic which you're very authentic you will hit home on a couple of points with someone, one person even.

So, I'd even say do YouTube, get Insta, start fresh, not your old stuff, and then just even record and talk to it like the start of it. Don't try and get it perfect. This is why I took 3 years. I tried to get it perfect.

Just start, write, talk, thoughts come. This is how I done this. You will make an impact. You will teach and coach.

So, what what was your it moment then? Like, cuz for what? for this end of starting this like I I've talked about it for three years in my it moment it was actually other stuff in my life that I I was probably worried about judgment and then 3 4 months ago maybe a bit longer I'm like it I actually don't care anymore there's a big shift in my business last year in June and then I had a relationship and even that shifted but I just come to this point where it's like I actually don't care what anyone thinks anymore cuz I've gone through the roller coaster the hard times the good times, the all that, right? And now I'm like, I got nothing to lose.

Just do it. And and the point is like I sit here like this with friends and people and I got a lot of energy and and I I love this stuff. I get right into it, right? And I I've done it for years like this.

I love getting into this stuff, right? Why not do this and get it out there and help more people or resonate? Like just having someone sit there and peel their layers back over their journey. Every single person that leaves from person in their 20s to 40s, 50s, 60s actually, they leave and they're like, I have not sat there and just gone through the journey to realize where I'm at, why I've got the resilience and the risks I've taken.

Yeah, I've dude that's just calmly sit here, chat. Yeah, I've never done this. Everyone forgets about all this and doing this and they're like wow. Yeah, it actually feels normal.

You know, it's funny like you just brought up a point, but uh when I see how someone walks, I'll know what kind of person they are. Yeah. And just watching you walk in Yeah. I was like, "Yeah, he knows what he's It's so funny cuz you can just tell just by someone's walk." Yeah.

How are they doing in life? So crazy. Yeah. The speed of it or whatever, right?

And I I saw you going in. I was like, "Yeah, all right. He's got it figured out." And me, I'm I'm doing a slow walk because I don't know what I'm doing. But someday I would like to do that walk.

Yeah, but you're you. But you you are you though. And like some days I'm like I need that. But it's um it's just understanding it.

Once again, I have cuz I'm like that. I have big challenges because of that my nervous system and I'm always on. I build pressure. I go hard and then I drop off.

Like it's not all great. It is cuz I can make decisions. I think I get it done. But then you know there's other stuff.

There's life and all the other. I've learned a lot about that last two years separating from the wife and then going I need to balance my out and I still struggle with it now you know but it's cool it's life as long as you keep moving the needle in the right way I think but you're ex-military right Navy and I think that's I think that with us it does like I think cuz I think that gives you this drive and then no one understands it it's just I used to think weird when I got out and wife and kids I used to think like you know this is the way it should be done you know plan this, do this in order, right? Because that's the most efficient way cuz that's what you get taught, right? Yeah.

Yeah. But we're the minority. Take the pressure off. I always put too much pressure on like my family and that.

I'm like, do this, do this, work hard, and that comes from childhood like proving yourself validation. I'd be in here till midnight. If you're arguing with the wife, whatever. I'd come to the office.

This was my home basically. when I had to either approve something or get out of the house or you know and like we had a wicked life as well like we done heaps with the kids and my ex is a beautiful woman and I'm lucky to have her as a mom and an ex but um I reflect now and I'm like that whole defense and regimented and all that I'm hard work y and I'm I just went back yesterday to a site to start a program again and a lot of it's to do with that piece because my reaction also my response and I've always been told this my response to certain things not right. I'm a man. I'm older.

I'm mature. I And it comes back to this regimented, you know. Yeah, you get it. I don't have to say it.

There's a few reasons, but I want to work on that now. I've grown all this, but soon as you grow, you got more always. Always. Right.

Yeah. But I'm at a I think I'm at a really good point to work on a bit. Yeah. It's hard to explain, but a lot of us to do with the military.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's like gives you this whatever.

And then everyone's in the same boat as well. And then when you go and work like a civvy job and someone's complaining to get out and go back in. Yeah. And that's that's what I did was get out and go back in.

And it was actually it's almost easier now. Like you're not allowed to yell at each other anymore. You're not allowed to swear and everything like that. It's like a gentle Yeah.

little army. Don't know if I'd want to go to war with them people. But I don't I don't know. But So what haven't we talked about?

I I don't know. I didn't know. We touched on a bit. What's next?

What are you doing here in Australia now? We've gone over all that. We know what you why you are here. You've just left.

You're working out whether you're going to tell the family or not. That's you're just doing you at the moment, which is really really cool. Thanks for sharing that. You got your van fixed.

You're in here doing a podcast. What's next? Yeah. What's next?

Uh well, it's it's it's funny cuz like truck driving. I like that job because you're pretty much your own boss for it. You're by yourself. As long as you don't drive like an idiot, you know, you're pretty much gold and whatever.

It's good money. Where you going to do that? I I just got a job offer this morning to go and ping pingup pingup or something. I don't know.

I don't know how to pronounce it. Yeah. Somewhere's in land and yeah doing uh working on a farm for harvest and I don't have any passion for truck driving. I just know it pays well and everything like that.

The one thing I hate about truck driving is the sitting, man. My god, you're sitting for hours and hours. Sitting is worse than smoking. I swear to God.

Um, I swear it because you're just constantly like this and you're shifting your gears and you're there for 12, 14 hours. I used to manage a heap of truck drivers. I was in logistics and transport before I come into insurance. Yeah.

And um I used to always say it was worse than kindergarten because they got too much time on their hands, truck drivers. And then they'd be like, "This bit of the seat's broken." Or radio doesn't matter. Like they might drive 10, 12 hours up north or something and they got so much time on their hands. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Um I take me out off to them though cuz I don't think I could do it. Oh, it's it's it's it's brutal cuz you have to love you have to love the road. But I think some of these truck not on the industry, but I don't know where do you look right there.

Sorry truckers. Anyway, but some of them I think their brain is rotted cuz I remember uh I just got out of the army and I got uh my buddy is actually the one that got me into the oil fields doing uh oil and gas stuff, driving trucks and things like that. And you know the army, you know how regiment it is, chain of command and all that stuff. you know, you don't, you know, someone's above you, you don't whatever, right?

So, so then I go to my first ever like civvy job out in oil gas and everyone's telling the supervisor, "Go themselves. I'm not doing this, right?" And but I remember, you know, so I just get done like learning about hand grenades and shooting and all this stuff and I go to this truck driving gig and then there's this guy and he's just like, "Uh, he's like, "Oh, you're a greenhorn, are you?" I was like, "Uh, yeah. Yeah." I was like, "What's a green horn?" like, "Oh, that's when someone's new to the industry. You're new to trucking, aren't you?" I said, "Yeah, yeah, I'm new to trucking." He's like, "Oh, buddy." He's like, "I've been trucking now for 30 years." Yeah.

I was like, "Oh, yeah. Yeah. OJ." Yeah. So, he's like, he's like, "Yeah, you ever drive a 15 double over?" I was like, "Oh, let me tell you something." So, you got a shifter, right?

You go from first to second to third to fourth, flick the splitter, and there's a second shifter. And then, right now, he's thinking that I must be blown away. But I'm like, "Okay." And he's like, "So when you go to the second shift, you go from fifth to sixth to seventh to eighth." I'm like, "Yeah, all right." He's like, "Well, here's the crazy part. When you're downshifting, you got to go from eighth to seventh.

Do you feel how bored you are right now with that story?" That's another thing I think I have to let go cuz that story that was this he took about 30 minutes about shifting this truck. And then he goes, "Uh, I still wasn't laughing or making a response." He's like, he's like, "Ah, so I'm I'm doing this downshifting, right?" And I was going up a hill and the hill was like this. Do you know what that hill did when I got to the top? I was like, "What?" Went like that.

Yeah. True story. And then and this other trucker, I'm wearing Dunlops. They're incredible rubber boot.

And he goes, "Oh, you're wearing Dunlops, eh? Expensive boot, fancy, bougie." And uh he goes, "Oh, Dunlops, man. Saved my life." It's like, "What? How?" He's like, "Oh, this one time I uh was doing hauling hauling up Taylor Road, dropping off a load, and I jump out of my truck.

I hear snap snap." Didn't think anything of it, right? So, I get done uh get done my day, 16-hour day. Get to the hotel, take off my Dunlops. Both my legs go flop flop.

Those Dunlops held my legs in for a 16- hour shift. I had to call the boss. My legs were broken. And I'm like, "Oh my fuck." You did you laugh?

No, I didn't laugh. I was just like, "Oh, yeah. Okay. Right.

Cuz my alarm was just going off. I don't want to insult these guys. I'm brand new to the but man. Like what a There's no way.

There's no way he's just trying to befriend you. I don't know. I have I have no idea. But I couldn't Wow.

I couldn't believe that story, but I don't know. Maybe it's real. If any of your followers have done lops and held a broken leg. Did you talk to him much more?

No. You never seen him again? No. I couldn't I couldn't relate to a lot of people there actually.

I could I can only relate to the guys that made fun of the trucking industry. I could only relate to them and they were just like, "Ah, it's a job." You know what though? They're really important. Like we need them.

Oh, you're freaking right. So yeah, you know, they're a different beast, but um they are they are I will I will always give mad respect to a truck driver just cuz it's just it's hard work to like I know you're in the truck that I believe that's hard work sitting there like I couldn't do that bit but even when you're out it's getting better these days but it's hard work you know and it changes logistics changes every hour every day it never goes to plan. Yeah, you know. Oh yeah.

You just got to adapt and overcome, right? Yeah, that's right. you know, but yeah, it's a it's a brutal job. And so, when you going to this new job?

Monday. Oh, yeah. Apparently Monday. Yeah.

From here. And how far in is it? Is it 5 hours? Is it 5 hours?

5 hours and 30 minutes or something. So, yeah. You know, like there's that, but I So, back in 2014, yep. I was very very depressed.

Um, I was doing truck driving uh in the oil fields. So what ended up happening is I saved $55,000 and something. Yep. From just working my ass off.

And I think I was like 24 or 25. So $55 grand in my account. No debt, no nothing. Wow.

So and I told my friend, I was like, "Well, what do I do?" Like he's like, "Well, you got to get a house." I was like, "Get a house." I was like, "Well, I don't want to live here." Like I don't want to live here at all. Like why would I get a house? Because then I'm I'm trapped. Like what's next?

A dog? Like I'm I'm not doing that. Right. And uh so I I had all this money doing a job that you know I really really don't like that that set off like cuz I thought money was supposed to bring this happiness and I had 55 grand when you're young.

That's what you think. So anyways that put me into this super duper low. Did it really? Yeah.

And then I went and went and did something and the paramedics saved me. Oh wow. And there, you know, people, the only person that knew that, not even my no one knows actually, but the only person that knew that at the time was was my buddy that I said, "I have all this money." Like, "What do I do with it?" And he said, "Buy a house." And then that was And then I just went and tried to off myself cuz I Wow. Yeah.

I I wrote a note leaving it to my little brother and all that stuff and everything like that cuz I didn't know what to do with it. They they could figure something out. I don't know. He he ended up uh I had an apartment at the time, but he said, "Maybe you should move in with me and just uh he actually took time off of work and everything." And stayed Yeah.

stayed with me for Wow. How good. Yeah. It was awesome.

He He's Oh, he's such a such a good guy. And And he's I still like I I'm not like I said, I He doesn't even know I'm here, doesn't he? No. Nobody.

So, that happened. And then I I just thought, well, I'm gonna take my money and just do something with it that maybe I would enjoy because I was just so wrapped up in what do you call that? Keeping up with the Joneses, trying to be like everyone else. Yep.

So So I end up taking the year off of uh work and uh uh I paid for my own education. Uh I got a diploma in health, wellness, and recreation because I thought maybe I should be like a fitness instructor or something. Yeah. So, I spent like 20,000 bucks on that in this private school and then rent and all that.

And then I traveled to Thailand and uh got a certificate and teaching English as a second language just to always wanted to be a teacher. And so I got this diploma and and maybe you be able to relate to this cuz you're doing this stuff. I was training people and uh not in bodybuilding because I I feel like that's a whole other animal. Yeah.

And you know and I don't got the genetics or maybe knowledge of it I guess but uh I know how to get strong. I used to do uh strong man as well. Yep. And uh I wish I could eat as big as them so I can become a big giant monster but but uh so anyways uh and I always got injured a lot throughout my life as well.

So, I kind of pitched my business as uh educate, motivate, and inspire. Yep. Um, and I was trying to get people that were just not in a good mindset or good health-wise to just get them strong and rehabilitated and and so I had a lot of people like I had people with uh hip replacements and knee replacements and things like that. And I was training them and and uh really really helping them and and uh but there was this weird part of me that when they paid me money to give them that service like I felt like I didn't deserve it and it was it was weird taking money from people charging them I hated it.

That was one I I loved helping them. I loved doing the job. Yeah. But when I asked for How long did you do that for?

I I did that for probably about four years. I would say 2015 is when I graduated. Yeah. Wow.

So then I was working with uh Youth at Risk at this little private school and it was just like a part-time gig. And then so my other part-time gig was just helping people with uh I named it Fitness with Gourd. Yep. And uh made a little hoodie.

Nice. Fitness with Gourd. Little weights holding the W. Y.

So yeah, I was doing that and I was traveling around. I was I was getting a lot of traction and uh I was leaving business cards and like other personal trainers were taking it and like ripping them in half, throwing in garbage and stuff. But but anyways, it was it was good. I was doing like boxing mits and stuff and uh the way I train too like only me and my buddy train.

Yeah. Cuz it's like amateur wrestling stuff, right? So you have to be an amateur wrestler to understand. Yeah.

Or maybe UFC fighter, martial arts or something. But but I was taking my clients and introducing them to things like that and they're like, "Well, I've never seen this before." It's like, "Yeah, this is going to help you." I remember one client her her mom had like a a stroke or something and uh I was teaching her um a sumo deadlift or right she was uh 58 years old my client and I'm teaching her a sumo deadlift and you know and I know some people are like why would you ever do that but they got to learn how to pick up whatever right so anyways I had her sumo deadlift in like I think 305 pounds when I had her trained right so anyways her mom had some stroke or something. Anyway, she sumoed deadlift to her mom, picked her up and got her into the car and drove her to the hospital and she called me. She's like, "Look," and I was like, "Geez, are you okay?" And she's like, "Yeah, yeah." Save the loss.

But she said because of my training, she said she wouldn't know how to pick her up or anything. She's like, "But I was confident I could get her to the hospital." And she she picked up her mom and got her to the hospital and whatever cuz the ambulance couldn't they took a while or something. But which I thought that was a cool story, right? So, it kind of gave me some purpose.

I love I was helping people and this lady had a horrible limp with the hip replacement. So I started doing farmers walks and uh Turkish getups with her and things like that or whatever, right? Which is so she was like 48 or something or I don't know maybe Yeah. And uh her her limp went away.

She started walking normally and so it was cool. It was rewarding. But man, I hated taking money from people. Hated it.

Well, you got to um so go back over your whole journey then. A lot of the pieces there put aside your learnings, but nearly everything you touched on, you end up teaching, coaching, helping. You love doing that. You keep coming back to that.

Yeah, man. I I just I love it. I I think I can see the gears turning in people's brains. If they're not if or if it's not turning, I can Okay, I have to explain this another way.

So So I enjoy it. So you'll be a great role model for Liam. Is it your little nephew, brother? Yeah.

Yeah, I would. Yeah. Yeah. So, that you're probably a big piece to his world, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Not at the moment because he doesn't know anything. Yeah.

But he you're probably a big piece, I'd be guessing. So, how old is he now? He'd be 22 now. 22 or 23.

Yeah. Yeah. Imagine um he would see things heaps different to you cuz he was just born when, you know, the tragic thing happened. Yeah, that's right.

So, he doesn't know what he doesn't know, but also imagine what he goes through at times and he's lucky to have you by his side, right? because he would think of things different. He might not speak up. You know, I don't know if you're that space for him to speak up, but imagine the difference you could make for even just for him that you didn't have.

Yeah. I uh who's he lived with? Liz, my lives with my mother. And he still still lives with my mother.

Oh, he does. Yeah. Yeah. He's got like a form of autism, I guess.

Um Yep. I think it's Asberers or something. But I think now that's like a I think it's just a spectrum thing or something. I don't know.

Pretty smart dude. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.

He knows things. Yeah. It's just crazy. He can just recite it.

Yeah. It's super crazy. It's And I'm I'm One of them was dinosaurs, which whatever. But uh cooking.

I'm glad he got into cooking, man. That kid can cook. Yeah. Wicked.

Oh, yeah. He like I'm like, "Ah, he I'm like, you're getting into cooking?" Because he fell in love with Gordon Ramsay. He finds Gordon Ramsay super funny swearing and whatever, right? But uh he listens to Gordon Ramsay and man, that kid can cook.

Yeah. Wicked. Oh, it's crazy. Like he'll and it's like dishes that you'll hear about in a restaurant or something, right?

And man, sometimes I pay him to So, he's passionate about it. Loves it. He's super passionate about it. Yeah, he loves it.

That and video games, of course. So, yep. I suppose we've gone through a fair bit. Go back to my question.

We've gone through a lot. Sorry, man. No, it's wicked. I love it.

I'm just You're probably the only one that stumped me. Like, I'm usually I can piece and go back, but you've you've gone into a lot of stuff, which is awesome, and it's already kind of pieced together for me. But from today, go back to my question. And you're going to do this job.

What do you reckon you where do you reckon you'll be in 3 months or 6 months? You're just going to do this job and take it as it goes. Yeah, I guess so. Like like not to sound insensitive.

I pretty much came here as a joke really. And then um but since being here and working here and stuff, I was like, man, I would it'd be cool to call this my home and do it. I like I like the lifestyle here. I like the people.

Yeah. How long how long you allow to stay for? Till October. And then I got to and then I got to go, which I will do.

So, you know, so now I'm my ultimate goal, which I thought I was going to get into very easily, was uh the fly in fly out mining stuff. Like I said, I hate truck driving, but when I was out in the oil fields, the schedules were like a week on, week off, or two on, two off, 21 on, 21. We do it, too. Yeah.

So, yeah. So, when um every time I was doing a 21 swing, you call it, right? Like I knew in 21 days I had like it was Christmas every single time and I would be happy at my job. So you like that?

I love that. I love it. And uh but when I know that I'm doing like a five and two or six in one truck driving I'm like oh man it's brutal. Right.

Cuz there's not really a reward. So how long is this one for out there? A couple of months or a month. Yeah.

It sounds like this is like a six or eight week job, right? I think that's that that should be good. Cool. I like the farm, right?

Farm life, hauling grain and things like that be good. And my reward will be it's done in six weeks and then I'm going to go and y see some things, right? But uh but yeah, I thought um I thought the mining gig I'd be able to do that just cuz uh like I got the FIFO experience and all that. But sounds like I just had to have a beer at the right time at the right place.

A lot of it is that in which you know what? I can't get mad at that. That's pretty cool. Um Canada used to be like that.

Uh not anymore. Not anymore. So, uh, but yeah, I'm I'm okay with it. I'm just kind of three months.

Yeah, I don't know, man. I guess I'll do that job, go to Asperence and chill out, see see some other things. So, yeah, make sure you see a bit of WA. WA is absolutely magnificent.

Beautiful place. Yeah, I want to see that Xmouth, too. I think that'd be cool. Yeah, Xmouth's wicked.

Yeah. Yeah. Um, so tell me, we'll wrap it up, but tell me what you got out of today. What What sits in your gut?

What's the What's one key point out of today? I don't really feel ashamed talking to you about this stuff. And that's something that uh Thank you. I feel I feel privileged to that as well cuz that's what it's about.

Yeah. And I think I think I think the way you got this set up like you know and and I was looking at your reels and I was looking at the YouTube and I was just like yeah he just wants to listen and I I think that gave me a feeling of you know just comfort just say whatever comfort and thanks for sharing everything. You went pretty deep on a lot of stuff. So, um, and there's no pressure with anything at all with anyone, but I just allow and if it happens, and most people have shared pretty like like a couple times you said, "Oh, people don't even know this." That's happened a few times.

So, that's good for me cuz it just allows this um setting to let people talk and then if it resonates with someone else, um, that's a bonus, right? Yeah. And this was this this this felt natural and it was just a click, you know what I mean? Like I it was just a click.

And I think there's something there's something to be said about that, you know. I mean, just feelings and things, but but yeah. Thanks, mate. Yeah.

Yeah. Have a good one.